Many of the issues I see in practice involve how people feel about themselves. The most talented, funny, and beautiful people explain to me how much they hate who they see in the mirror. Some people can fake a smile or a positive attitude short-term, but this will deplete emotional energy quickly. Our self-image and confidence are critical to our success in life. How we regard ourselves is critical to our success because it impacts our relationships with others. Low self-esteem may skew our perspective so that we see the entire world in a dimmed way.

There are tons of websites and books that suggest ways to improve your self-esteem. These authors present many good ideas like increasing your exercise or practicing affirmations. But what happens when you go out into the world, and you are surrounded by unhappy people? How do you maintain those positive affirmations in an environment that feels stifling and perpetually negative? It seems to become more difficult to practice positivity and self-love in those types of situations.

We don’t even have to leave our homes. We turn on the television and see “beautiful” people with tons of cool toys (that we can’t afford) and we begin to compare ourselves and notice what we don’t have; we start to see how we are “less than.” What if I told you there was one big change that you could make to fight against this cycle of negativity? It is the first step to loving yourself and your life. It’s called practicing gratitude. I don’t mean just being occasionally grateful; that can still lead to complacency and feelings of entitlement. I am talking about actively and habitually practicing being grateful for all that you have. Here are a few things you can do to practice gratitude:

Gratitude Stone. Find a rock or stone that is small enough to fit in your pocket (or purse). Each morning put it in your pocket while saying something you are grateful for. (this could be a simple as being happy that you woke up that morning) In the evening, remove the stone from your pocket, and again say something else you are grateful for. This will start building a habit of being grateful and lead to a more positive outlook on life.

Volunteer. Volunteering to serve others is one of the best ways to practice gratitude. Helping people in need provides more opportunity to recognize all of our privileges. We are also able to see how “those less fortunate” have special talents and gifts to offer the world as we all do. Individuals are able to feel good about themselves while connecting with others which helps to increase self-confidence and self-efficacy.

Mentor Someone. You have skills that you are able to share with others. Why not share your passion with someone who wants to learn or who needs your support to reach his or her full potential? You could assist in shaping the next star athlete or expert pediatrician. This type of social involvement will also provide good feelings that increase your confidence.

Say Thank You. Sometimes simple words or phrases can have the most impact. People are often not aware of the impact they have on us unless we tell them. Practice gratitude by thanking someone who may not know what they have done for you. Buy a package of thank you cards to keep handy. When someone in your life goes out of their way to help you, send them a thank you card to brighten their day.

Maintaining a positive outlook on yourself and your life is sometimes hard work. It is your choice to value your strengths and your accomplishments. Start speaking to yourself as though you were talking to your best friend. Would you tell your best friend that she couldn’t go back to school because she’s not good enough? Would you call a person that you love ugly or stupid? Do the expectations you have for others match the expectations you have for yourself? Start “acting” like you are your favorite person in the world until you believe it. You are amazing! Look at all that you have overcome and achieved. You have so many reasons to be grateful. Practice makes perfect. Start practicing!


Check out this awesome song below performed by India Arie

When I was in graduate school, my mentor encouraged me to go “above and beyond” the other students so that I would be more competitive in my job market. When I became involved in the National Society for Leadership and Success, one of the requirements included attending several speaking events. These talks were often inspiring and encouraging, but the “oomph” would wear off by the time I was finished with all of my other obligations. Then, one speaker stood out. Mel Robbins’ talk How To Get What You Want - In The REAL World made a significant impact. I would like to share the main tip I took from her speech.

The Five Second Rule: Stop Waiting

The choices that we make are based on how we think. There are two ways to think: strategically or emotionally. If we can learn to think strategically in regard to future planning, we will be able to focus better on what we actually want and how to get it. This is the difference between acting and reacting, which will often predict positive or negative outcomes. Utilizing activation energy, or the physical force that is required to get you to do something, is the only way to get you moving in the direction of getting things done and getting what you want. Mel Robbins says that our brain confuses our decisions because there are too many choices, too much information, and too much fear and uncertainty that makes our brains just shut down. Of course, our brains would like to work on “cruise control,” with us sticking to the same routines and habits, doing the same thing the same way every day; so when we venture into different territory or do things a different way, our brain throws the “emergency brake” in an effort to reestablish its usual homeostasis (if you will). This will keep us practicing the same habits, which will keep us in the same place.

Change is the only constant. We have survived as a species because we are able to adapt to changes. It is the nature of who we are to grow and mature through our life. Some of us choose to remain in the same way of doing and thinking, and this may create problems. You are meant to be great! You are not meant to just get by or live day to day. Think about the access to resources most of us have these days. What an amazing time we live in where these resources are so readily available for people who are willing to take the risk and take initiative to achieve their dreams! You can outwit your brain and your fear. Use the Five Second Rule. When you are motivated to DO something that will lead you toward growth, start to take action on it within 5 seconds before your brain talks you out of it, even if the small step is to begin thinking strategically about a plan of action. There is no need to wait and to be afraid. There are 1440 minutes in each day. The time you are spending being unhappy about your station in life could be spent outlining objectives to get you where you would rather be. Time is the one thing we will never get back. It should not be wasted. Take the word “can’t” out of your vocabulary. The next time you think “I sure would like to go for a jog,” get up and grab your sneakers within 5 seconds. Lace them up and start running before you have had time to talk yourself out of it. There will never be a “good” time to start your own business, or get back in shape, or go back to school. The time is now! Start living the life you want to live before you think you can’t. 5…4…3…2…1…